a different africa

these last couple weeks have been really hard. the newness is wearing off, and i'm being reminded that people are people anywhere you go, they will annoy me and be rude here just like anywhere. i think part of it too is that in my mind africa has always equaled benin which has meant home. so i'm just beginning to realize now that in coming here i was expecting another homecoming of sorts, similar to how i felt returning to benin last summer. but i feel so different here. nobody knows me or my parents, there are no favorite places to revist and rediscover, i don't speak the language, i don't have my friends and fellow volunteers kristy and chanel with me to process things with and to provide emotional support, and there's no one like nancy and bruce (the couple who replaced my parents in benin) to be facilitators and liasons. so i'm realizing that i had unrealistic expectations, maybe. and just because i grew up in benin and am familiar with that part of africa does not make this experience now any easier. just because things here aren't entirely unexpected does not make them any easier to live with.

also i'm dealing with big messy abstract questions like "what does it mean to be a volunteer in this setting" and "what is the purpose of development" and "what am i actually doing here, what am i trying to accomplish?" i've never had to think about them because africa was always just home, but now i'm here in a different role.

but it's not that life is all difficulties and frustrations here. there are lots of joys... like the sun finally coming out today after three straight days of drizzling and cloudy skies. swaziland really, really needed the rain, by the way, which i kept telling myself as i huddled in blankets and long underwear and drank cup after cup of rooibos tea. which is another joy, by the way. tea time is very popular here, and often involves slices of brown bread and peanut butter (at least at the tfwala house). which is a lovely change from liphalishi (finely ground mealie meal) and samp (coarsely ground mealie meal).

and this weekend looks to be very exciting as tomorrow i'm attending a traditional swazi wedding with hlobi (the mcc rep) and sane. and sunday sane and trevor and i are going to an all day concert called bushfire, where there will be tons of great musicians: hugh masekela, thandiswa (south african gospel/blues/rock) and a bob marley tribute band, among many others, including swazi groups.